“If children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world.”

Early childhood educators know the value of friendships in children’s lives.  As caregivers, we often model for children how to appropriately interact with their peers.  They also learn social behaviors by observing how significant adults in their lives interact with others.

Today more than ever, children are beginning to experience social situations at an earlier age.  Recent studies have shown that some friendships formed in the early years of childhood are second only to family relationships in importance.  From such findings comes a heightened awareness of the social-emotional importance of friendships in the early years.

The child care setting offers children a variety of social experiences that might not be available to them in sibling or family relationships.  With many friends his or her own age, a child encounters a myriad of opportunities to negotiate and compromise.  On a daily basis they are encouraged to express opinions and ideas, as well as respect others.  Preschoolers develop social competence in initiating interactions, maintaining ongoing relationships, and solving conflicts with other children. Valuable and challenging tasks for sure!  These interactions have long-term effects on a child’s life.

We know children frequently change “best friends” by the hour and all children are not “social butterflies”.  A key element in fostering this social development is being insightful about what type of social settings your child is most comfortable in.  Fostering the social strategies necessary to enter a play group, express their needs, and solve a conflict can give your child a good, healthy foundation for long-lasting relationships with peers.

by Regional Educational Director, Nancy Nathanson

Lets meet Joel Wasserman and listen why Prime Time Early Learning Center is special in child care. What differentiates us than others.

Joel Wasserman, along with his wife and partner Rochelle “Ricci” Wasserman, established a school that not only teaches but nurtures children from infancy through school age. Prime Time’s comprehensive program includes fully licensed child care for infants and toddlers; a dynamic education program developed specially for 3 and 4 year olds; a full-day preschool; before- and after-school enrichment programs for elementary school students; and a summer camp for children ages 3-10.

Summer Reading Suggestions By the readers of ExchangeEveryDay

*Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! by Richard Feynman

*Taking Back Childhood by Nancy Carlsson-Paige

*These Is My Words by Nancy Turner

*The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

*The Red Thread by Dawn Farnham

*Run by Ann Patchett

*Sacred Hunger by Barry Unsworth

*The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry

*Sonata for Miriam by Linda Olsson

*Songs without Words by Ann Packer

*A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon

*The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski

*The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen

*Sunset and Sawdust by Joe R. Lansdale

*Trading Dreams at Midnight by Diane McKinney-Whitestone

*Whatever It Takes: Geoffrey Canada’s Quest to Change Harlem and America by Paul Tough

*The Monkey Wrench Gang by Edward Abbey

*The Moonflower Vine by Jetta Carleton

*My Uncle Napoleon by Iraj Pezeshkzad

*The Naming of the Dead by Ian Rankin

*Newton and the Counterfeiter by Thomas Levenson

*Night Bus by Giampero Rigosi

*Olive Kitteredge by Elizabeth Strout

*Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

*Panic by Jeff Abbott

*The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe

*Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan

*Jack Wakes Up by Seth Harwood

*Killer Smile by Lisa Scottoline

*Land of a Hundred Wonders by Lesley Kagen

*The Little White Car by Danuta de Rhodes

*Londonstani by Gautam Malkani

*Lost on Planet China by J. Maarten Troost

*Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

*The Man Who Was Taller Than God by Harold Adams

*A Mandate for Playful Learning In Preschool by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek et al.

*The Earth Hums in B Flat by Mari Strachan

*The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

*The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews

*The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

*The Genius of Play by Sally Jenkinson

*Gonzalez & Daughter Trucking Co.by Maria Amparo Escandon

*The Great Brain Debate by John E. Dowling

*The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

*The Help by Kathryn Stockett

*Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

*All She Was Worth by Miyuki Miyabe

*The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

*Asta in the Wings by Jan Watson

*The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

*The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

*Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos

*Burnt Shadows by Kamila Shamsie

*A Case of Exploding Mangoes by Mohammed Hanif

*The Chalk Circle Man by Fred Vargas

*Earth Abides by George Steward

Every child has creative ability just waiting to be tapped!!  Creative art develops a sense of personal self-satisfaction and pride and encourages independence and divergent thinking.  Sensory exploration, variety in materials and new experiences help the brain to develop more fully and at a higher level of thinking.

The creative art process teaches a child….

*to be inventive, imaginative and spontaneous

*to learn to distinguish shapes, patterns and colors

*to form concepts of balance, symmetry and design as they create

*to explore without adult help

*that they can express themselves without fear of criticism

*that a child’s individuality and self-expression is valued and nurtured

*how to problem-solve

*how to stay on task and plan a project

*to use a variety of tools and materials and make decisions independently

Closed-ended / Teacher-directed Art activities teach a child….

*sit and wait to follow adult instructions

*that there is one right way

*that they will produce a product to please an adult

*to duplicate a pattern and make art that matches their classmates

BUSY MINDS ENGAGED IN PROBLEM-SOLVING AND CREATIVE EXPRESSION !!!

HAVE FUN THIS SUMMER!!

One of the biggest dangers to children in hot weather is dehydration. Thirst is not an accurate measure of how much a person actually needs to drink, and kids rarely know just how much fluid they actually need.

To avoid dehydration during hot weather, follow these tips when caring for your children:

Make sure kids are fully hydrated before they go outside. Have them drink a glass of water or a non-carbonated beverage one to two hours before going out, and then another ten to fifteen minutes before they go out to play.

When playing actively outside in hot weather, kids should be encouraged to drink regularly, every twenty to thirty minutes. Have them drink until they don’t feel thirsty anymore, and then if they are under ten years old have them drink another half-glass. If they are older than ten, have them drink another full glass.

In addition to dehydration, children who stay outside too long can suffer from heat exhaustion. This is characterized by fatigue, headaches and generalized discomfort and can be treated by getting the child into a cool area and having the child drink plenty of cool liquids.

Children may also develop heatstroke, a more serious condition which can lead to brain damage and death unless the body is immediately cooled. This condition is characterized by red, blue, or mottled looking skintone, a temperature of 105 degrees or higher, rapid pulse, headache, chills, nausea and a lack of perspiration and often requires medical attention.

To avoid these conditions, adhere to the following safety guidelines for hot weather play:

1. Don’t let kids stay out too long. Limit exposure between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. when the sun is at it’s peak.

2. Protect skin with a sunblock of SPF15 or higher, and reapply often.

3. Dress children in light-colored cotton clothing that is loose fitting.

A few simple tips for parents to help keep kids safe and cool during this unusually warm weather.

• Heat exhaustion and heat stroke can occur rapidly in enclosed vehicles. Never leave your child unattended in a car. Children’s thermoregulatory systems warm three to five times faster than an adult’s.
• Always check to make sure all children leave the vehicle when you reach your destination. Don’t overlook sleeping infants.  (TIP: Keep your child’s toy or diaper bag in the front passenger seat to help remind you the child is on board).
• On a 93-degree day, the inside of a car can exceed 125° degrees Fahrenheit in as little as 20 minutes. The temperature inside of a car is hotter than outside temperatures, and can climb rapidly.
• Heat stroke can occur in a matter of minutes for young children and infants.  Keep children sufficiently hydrated and cool during the day.
• Cracking the windows enough to let in air is not an effective way to avoid the heat risks involved with leaving a child alone in a car on a hot day.
• Seek immediate emergency medical attention if you know or think that your child has been exposed to high temperatures by having been left in or accidentally trapped in a car.
• If your child gets locked inside a car, dial 9-1-1 or your local emergency number immediately.
• An open or screened window in homes can be a danger to children.  Falls from upper story windows related to the heat have been responsible for fatal child injuries in our state.  Make sure to keep furniture away from windows, open windows from the top down if possible, and install child-safety window guards all help to prevent injury.

At age four Rachael became “fast friends forever” with her child care playmate, Dee Dee.

At least, that’s how Rachel’s mom describes it. Back then, the girls had been casual

playmates for a few months. But one day, a particular event cemented the friendship bond.

You see, Rachael could get up into and climb an apple tree in the playyard all by herself. It

was only about four feet off the ground, but to young kids, that’s a Mt. Everest moment.

Rachel’s achievement impressed a lot of the kids, but no one more than Dee Dee.

Dee Dee longed to be up in the branches with Rachael. But she just couldn’t muster up the

confidence. That is, until Rachel took her under her wing. Rachael, perched pleasantly in

the tree, looked down to see Dee Dee standing nearby, gazing up at her. Rather than

ignoring her, Rachel eagerly encouraged her to climb up, too. At first, Dee Dee was

hesitant. Her self-doubt made her hang back. But Rachael persisted. She began to patiently

walk Dee Dee through her first successful steps of tree climbing. She pointed out the

lowest branch and the sturdiest branches from there. She helped Dee Dee analyze when

and where to move a hand or foot “just so” to maintain her balance.

With Rachael as her personal coach, Dee Dee succeeded. She overcame her nervousness

and gained a whole new perspective on her abilities. Rachel learned she could be a good

teacher and friend to someone in need. For weeks, both girls beamed about the cooperative

achievement, at home and child care.

But that was all years ago. The girls are now in sixth grade. And they still regularly hang

out at each other’s houses, so mom’s prediction of “fast friends forever” held water.

That story reveals many of the social skills children need to possess in order to form

rewarding, mutually enjoyable friendships. Below I highlight how Rachel and Dee Dee’s

experience represents each one.

To make and keep friends, children must be able to:

• Recognize shared interests: Both girls recognized that they enjoyed outdoors.

• Gracefully join into play: Dee Dee was brave enough to show interest in tree climbing

by watching Rachael. Rachael accepted Dee Dee’s wish (invitation) to engage in a

mutual activity.

• Pay attention to non-verbal communication cues: Rachel “read” Dee Dee’s bodylanguage

well enough to know that Dee Dee envied Rachel being able to climb the

tree. She picked up that Dee Dee was a bit anxious about it.

• Identify common goals: Both agreed the goal of climbing a tree was a good one.

• Listen to and respect feelings: Dee Dee risked telling Rachel she didn’t think she could

climb a tree. Because Rachel listened to Dee Dee’s “I don’t think I can do it,” she

responded with patient encouragement to support Dee Dee’s confidence. If she

hadn’t listened to Dee Dee’s total communication, Rachel would have overwhelmed

Dee Dee with rapid-fire, overwhelming directions. That probably would have lead

Dee Dee to failure rather than success.

• Empathize with another person’s perspective: Rachel didn’t belittle or make fun of Dee Dee’s insecurity or nervousness. Instead, she

responded by offering to help Dee Dee figure out the fine art of tree climbing.

• Practice compassion: Rachel didn’t tease Dee Dee or bombard her with too many directions at once. She responded to Dee Dee’s

emotions by coaching her slowly and simply.

• Cooperate: Rachel helped Dee Dee be independent. She didn’t take control and try to lift Dee Dee into the tree. She also didn’t refuse to cooperate by telling Dee Dee to go play somewhere else.They made the achievement together.

• Accept others: Rachel continued to play with Dee Dee, even though they weren’t yet at the same level of physical coordination. She accepted Dee Dee where and as she was.

• Include others: Rachel included Dee Dee in spite of her hesitation to climb on her own. She didn’t reject, isolate, or discount her.

• Extend a trust-worthy, helping hand: Rachel succeeded in offering Dee Dee the right kind of help, and Dee Dee was open and trusting enough to take it.

But of course, that’s not all there is to making and keeping friends. Human’s social relationships are much more complex than that. Like those of adults’, children’s friendships are full of ups and downs. Every child must learn how to navigate them with poise and a positive attitude. As you reflect on your own childhood friendships, I’m sure you’ll agree that’s easier said than done.

There are many more social skills children must develop. For instance, they must learn to tactfully stand up for their wishes and to express their own point of view during social play. And children must learn how to get their own play needs met without resorting to aggression, unethical manipulation, or name calling.

To function in the real world of social relationships, children must also be able to cope with rejection from time to time. It’s hard to hear a child being told, “No, I don’t want to play now.” But it’s a reality that some people want alone time when others don’t. To face such rejection without taking it too hard, children must be able to de-personalize statements and learn that people’s moods vary. If one child declines an invitation to play, children can learn to seek out another playmate.

Sharing, negotiation, and compromise are skills that come into play as children interact with others. Children will be left alone and isolated if they don’t gradually learn to adjust and tweak ideas to keep play partners actively engaged and mutually satisfied.

During play, children must learn to express their ideas and reasons for them. But at the same time, they must be responsive to the ideas of others. Compromise and negotiation skills help children build upon each other’s ideas for mutual enjoyment. Children who dictate play or only issue commands to others quickly become isolated or rejected as play partners.

The ability to form relationships begins during the earliest months of life. That means moms and dads lay the foundation for children’s lifelong friendships.The Parenting Exchange column,“NEED TITLE “ shares specific ways parents can do just that.

Parenting Exchange • Friendship Skills Library #4 • 2

For More Information…

about creative parenting ideas check out the archive editions of Parenting Exchange at www.ChildCareExchange.com.

• Friendship Skills related articles #1, #2, #3, #5

About the Author – Karen Stephens is Director of Illinois State University Child Care Center and instructor in child

development for the ISU Family and Consumer Sciences Department. She writes a weekly column for parents in her

local newspaper. Karen is author of two books and frequent contributor to Child Care Information Exchange.

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